It's great to be a bloke

[Big Ade]

Your a.r.s.e is never a factor in a job interview.

Your orgasms are real. Always.

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You don’t give a rat’s a.r.s.e whether anyone notices your new haircut.

Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

Wrinkles add character.

A few well placed one night stands gain credibility, not leave you tarnished.

You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

P.o.r.n movies are designed with you in mind.

Not liking a woman does not preclude having great sex with them.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with “So, notice anything different?”

You can appreciate great sport.

You can throw a ball more than 5 feet.

One mood, ALL the d.a.m.n time.

A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

Dry cleaners and hairdressers don’t rob you blind.

You can go to a public toilet without a support group.

You can leave a hotel bed unmade.

You can kill your own food.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

Everything on your face stays its original colour.

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You don’t have to clean your flat if the electricity meter reader is coming.

You can sit in silence watching a football game with your mate for hours without ever thinking “He must be mad at me.”

You don’t mooch off anybody else’s desserts.

You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours.

You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You don’t have to shave below your neck.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.

You can “do” your nails with a pocket-knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

Same job .... . more pay.

The world is your urinal.